Oh, Hello Death!

Composting What Is

I do not yet know
what it is to say “Yes!” to Life
given recent news of some unknown cancer
they say is at play in this body.

Six to eight months to live.
They forecast as termination of this life,
if we do not poison you
for your own good.

But I ask of this presence:
Who are you?
What is it you seek?
Why have you come?

What challenges, and invitations or gifts
might you carry within your arrival?

Yes, I see you.
I feel your powers too,
within the shortness of my breath,
within the searing pain of my left hip and leg.

I hear urgency in your message—Awaken!
My soul and spirit learn forward to listen.
Do not take this day for granted.
To wake up is the incarnation of Spirit.

Life and Death are One, you whisper.
	If you fight me
		you separate us
			and I will haunt you as a curse.

How then do I make of you an ally, rather than an enemy?
And what shall I call you: Teacher? Friend? Lover?
How do I alchemize such a life force as yours
so our relationship is not a parasitic feeding of you upon me?

What if...we consciously join our Life and Death as One,
each invite a composting of this self in service of Life
in a dance so old we cannot but live
the blossoming of a beautiful story.
 

It is now just over eight weeks since the original cancer diagnosis; it is stage 4 lung with metastasis to the left hip and femur. These weeks have been filled with more labs and Dr. visits than I can count, and much has been learned. As of a week ago, we have settled on a treatment strategy of oral chemo targeted specifically toward the EGFR genetic expression of this cancer (found almost entirely in women), five radiation treatments, three weeks off from radiation before starting a potential twelve weeks IV Chemo regimen.

It has been impossible to keep friends and family abreast of developments, and so I appreciate the patience of those few who have waited to learn more. And now I choose to share more broadly 1) because we’ve finally learned what we’re dealing with and have a strategy; 2) and I swim in a sea of love from so many who touch my heart and I know would want to know; 3) and I wish to continue exploring together the Forbidden Fruits from the Tree of Life that inspire and transform my living.

However and whenever my death comes, I wish for it to serve life. I’m still figuring out how to navigate sharing these recent developments with folks, but figure to refresh my presence on the Blog with more specific and reflective updates. This, while I also move forward with editing the forthcoming book: Forbidden Fruit Revelations from a Son of Eve: An Eco-erotic and Mythopoetic Homecoming Tale of Two Trees, a Garden—and a Lost Boy.

Morning Delight!

I woke this morning.
Didn't have to be this way.

How easy to take such
and walk away without notice.

Like this breath.
And this one too.

Each a gift
     with the power to change
          this moment
               hour
                    day
                         life
                              the world

for one willing to be present
      look into the eyes of Wonder herself
           and swim in gratitude
                for the life offered in this inhalation
                     and the letting go that opens the way